Well F*CK John Lewis. F*CK them in any and every orifice of choosing and / or making.

So lets say you buy a mobile phone from them. It goes wrong, well within warranty. You get it sorted for a repair. Not a problem. You take it to their store. Not a problem.

Then SOD ALL for 4 weeks!

Nothing. Not even a message to say “we’ve got your phone”.

So you chase them up. Apparently they don’t have a number for the repair centre, so they will have to email them. You eventually get told the wrong part was ordered. Another two weeks of silence pass. So you chase up yet again. So where the hell is my phone?

“Oh we don’t know, it’s probably been lost somewhere”.

But wait!

“Does sir know that is John Lewis can’t fix your item in 29 working day, then you can have either new item, a full refund, or store credit?”.

I did not. But it’s now Black Friday, so I’ll have that Apple phone on a “never knowingly undersold” price match. Purchase is sorted. Await “never knowingly undersold” feed back.

Get an email saying “Sorry, the item in Argos is not the same as Argos have special software that lock the phone to the first SIM card inserted. But John Lewis Apple phones are fully unlocked”.

What a crock of shit! Ring customer services, and the climb down is super fast. Thank you very much. Money returned to my account.

Now wait 2 months.

To within 7 days of pay day. After Christmas.

BANG! £150 gone from my account.

That was John Lewis. Was their a phone call? No. An email? No. A text? No. So what the f*ck happened? Well my phone turned up. So they then realized that they hadn’t in fact taken the money off me. So rather then talk to me, they just took the money. A week before pay day. After Christmas. Well I have several thoughts in my head. But basically it boils down to John Lewis screwed up, but communication is not their thing.

So I actually got a call back today from one of their staff. I will credit the fella with actually calling back. So far the only member of staff that has. But the ineffective little “individual” was of no assistance. So I want my £150 back. NOW! And then John Lewis can damn well get in touch and ask for it is a professional and courteous manner.

“That will take 3 to 5 working days sir”.

Well pay day is in two, so that’s sod all use to me.

“We could discuss a good will gesture?”

If your going to offer me vouchers you can stop right there. Why on earth would I want anything further to do with John Lewis?

So F*CK John Lewis.

Long and hard.